Awakening
by Never2bForgottenx
Summary: Having lived for so long. He feels so much pain, so much regret. Sometimes he pushes his past decisions from his memory, forgetting them after a couple of days, even hours. They say death is hard, however living on can be harder.


**Awakening**

**AN: Hey :) I write this story a very long time ago so i'm sorry about any mistakes or if it makes no sense or whatever. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**Please Review :)**

* * *

In some ways, he felt his life resembles watching a movie over and over. Like having the same clip on replay, playing again, again and again. The ending was always the same. No matter how hard the Doctor wished, how much he prayed or how careful he was, the stories of his friends, companions, always ended in the same way. Causing tears in his eyes and creating another hole through his old broken heart.

They always left. He always carried on.

* * *

The snow falling was uncharacteristically real; it is cold and wet, caused by the freezing temperature and the high level of moisture in the air. In London, Outside the Powell Estate, a young blond girl barely sixteen years of age is walking with her mother.

"I'm late now. I've missed it. Midnight. Mickey's going to be calling me now and everything. This is your fault." Rose Tyler whispered to her mother, Jackie Tyler, her voice rising in volume and tone the more she said.

"It wasn't my fault" Jackie replied, hurt with her daughter's sudden outburst.

The story of The Doctor and Rose Tyler was one jam packed with emotion. He loved her; he never told her. She was something different, something strange and new. That's why he'd left saying goodbye to her until last.

_Stomach, Pain, Fear, Hurt, Upset. _

He let out an involuntary moan of pain, causing the blond girl to spin around. He hadn't planned this; she wasn't supposed to see him.

"You alright mate?" her voice whistled across the cold night's air.

* * *

In other ways, he felt his life was like watching multiple films one after another, all having the same plotline and all having the same ending. Occasionally, there was a shock, a twist, a beckon of hope. They were rare, almost mythical, 907 years and he had never seen a miracle. Over time, he became accustomed to the similarities in people and events, sometimes he didn't notice how Martha adored him, he just saw Rose, or how Donna promised forever just as Rose had done.

He always knew their stories end. They always didn't.

* * *

'What year is this?' The Doctor asks, he's dazed and confused. He wants kiss her and say all the things he never said. He loves her, she will love him, she wouldn't understand at this point in time. Sometimes, time travel can be painful, more-so emotionally than physically.

"Blimey, how much have you had" She holds back a laugh, he always loved her laugh. "2005, January the First."

"2005. I tell you what. I bet your going to have a really great year."

_Stomach, Pain, Hurt, Dying._

* * *

Every choice he makes creates consequences. Sometimes, they are massive, difficult choices. They are decisions that shape his life and other lives for the next ten, twenty, even one hundred years. From time to time, he makes them without thinking, that why Captain Adelaide Brooke felt she had to take her own life when she should have died with her team on Mars.

Having lived for so long, he feels so much pain, so much regret. Sometimes he pushes his past decisions from his memory, forgetting them after a couple of days, even hours. He forgets the things he regrets not doing. He never told Sarah-Jane he loved her, he never told Rose the same.

* * *

The walk back to the Tardis is almost unbearable. The pain is rising. It's not long now. He's dying. Death is so hard, harder than he predicted. At least the end is here, he can put this time, these memorises, this era to rest.

_Pain, Hurt, Pain, Heat, Peace_

He reaches the Tardis just as it starts. The fire starts to burn; his cells are changing, re-writing themselves. A thought crosses his mind. Maybe he isn't ready; he doesn't want this story to end. The story of the tenth, the story filled with love, hope, hurt and heartbreak.

"I don't want to go" He cries, his vision is blurry.

_Fire, Heat, Lose, Pain, Despair._

He tries to hold on to everything, to remember everything one last time before it's forgotten, lost in the depth of time.

_Heat, Pain, Fire, Lose, Death._

He knows he can't win, he's losing the battle. His vision turns to black. The screaming starts. It's over.

* * *

They say death is hard, however living on can be harder.

* * *

The Doctor, the Eleventh Doctor, opens his eyes for the first time.

Fire, Heat, Confused, Lose, New

"Legs I still have legs. Good." The sirens and alarms are screaming out, he's amazed by every-single-thing he sees. "Arm, hands, Fingers."

The Tardis is exploding around him, the fires are building. The action is already starting. The start of an Era, the Eleventh, the beginning of what will be something completely and totally amazing. Time's in motion again. His thoughts are flicking passed at light speed.

'There's something, there's something important"

The explosions become more violent, the whole ship is shaking with the impact of his regeneration. Wasn't he landed somewhere? It was cold, was there snow?

"I'm, I'm... I'm... HaHa! Crashing!"

He's flung forward with the force of the next shake. The ceiling is falling, crashing and crumbling downwards. The time rotor is racing, flying forwards, no- backwards. They're falling back downwards, him and the Tardis, taking them somewhere dangerous? Exciting? Somewhere brand new?

* * *

He used to sometimes think what it would be like if he remembered everything, every single second? Every single fight, ever single little choice and every single consequence. Nevertheless, he knew, knows, that with every blessing comes a curse. With perfect memory, the regrets and heartbreaks could become overwhelming, almost unbearable. However; the past would never have to be repeated.

When one door closes, another one opens. Many people fall down by forgetting the door that opens, spending too long remembering the past. The Doctor is different, completely alien, he normally forgets the regrets and memories he had behind the old door along with everything he learnt from the stories he lived. Sometimes, that can be worst for you than forgetting that life moves onwards.

Memories are valuable things. Sometimes, we're doomed to repeat the things we've forgetten.

* * *

The sirens stop, the fire dies. The Tardis has landed; it is laying side-ways on-top of what was a small garden shed. Amelia Jessica Pond races to her window, looks to the sky and sends a quite message.

"Thank you, Santa"


End file.
